You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
