ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
