dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize