I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
