you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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