I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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