just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
