Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
