Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
