So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
