Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
