I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
