I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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