Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
