I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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