All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
