I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
