Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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