I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
