we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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