We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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