Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
