Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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