Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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