the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
