While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
