Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
