i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
