Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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