where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
