Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
