So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My life is pants optional.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm really busy with my period
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
