Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
