i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He felt like a one man threesome
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
