So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
