It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
