apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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