my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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