It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
