Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
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We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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