I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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