So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
