home. puking in laundry basket.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
