everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
