those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Let's get the cat blown out
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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