I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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