cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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