My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
