So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
