Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
