You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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