Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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