you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
