I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
