Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
