I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
