I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's blow job season.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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