carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
