So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
