It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
