He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
