Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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