Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
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She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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